


Pressure and Release

by ZB_121



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Pressure, Self-Doubt, release
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 15:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16663699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZB_121/pseuds/ZB_121
Summary: Since securing his place in the GPF JJ has started to feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. The one thing that should have made it better made it worse. Thank god for Isabella.





	Pressure and Release

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with the stress that JJ is feeling because of his spot in the GPF and his engagement to Isabella. There's a fair amount of 'me' in this but I think I did it justice and kept JJ true to himself. Thank you to Ibasmartcookie8 for being my beta!

He could feel the weight settling onto his shoulders. At first it was imperceptible, mostly relegated to his subconscious. A critique would hit him the wrong way and shift his take on the day, the inability to land a jump once made it impossible to land the next time. It was almost subconscious but the weight was still there. Once he realized it was happening he could give himself pep-talks that would lighten the pressure. 

The party should have been the perfect way to get rid of it, he should have been able to throw that weight off and stand tall. The opposite happened. 

The proposal, the thing that should have been a way to alleviated his worries and give him something bigger to look forward to, something to counter the growing pressure; instead ended up being his undoing. 

“After I win at the world's, let’s get married.” It had been perfect she was surprised, that adorable blush gracing her cheeks, it was everything that he had imagined. 

“Of course!” 

_ Yes, yes, yes!  _ It was all he could have hoped for. But then.

“And not just the Worlds! I bet you can win every single title!” 

In an instant he could feel the weight that he had almost managed to throw off, settle. It almost crushed him. But he shouldn't, no couldn’t, let them see, especially not Bella. It was supposed to be a happy occasion and who was he to ruin it?

Over the following weeks he adjusted to the pressure. He was able to practice, improve, and perfect his routines for the Final. He did some charity events in his community and even helped with a kids skate day at the rink. The weight was like a comfortable hiking pack, heavy but well balanced and it became part of him. 

The only times that it wasn’t balanced was when Bella would start talking about wedding ideas. That was when he could feel the pressure and it would start to topple him. But he could see how excited and happy it made her. So who was he to crush that joy? How could he ask her to carry his burden? So he kept it to himself. 

In Barcelona he and Bella came upon the other skaters and by the sounds of it Yuri and Victor had had the same plans as he and Bella. Well that just wouldn’t do. And he told them as much. He had meant what he said that he was going to be the one getting that gold and getting married. He had even felt the confidence that he had said it with, but later in the quiet of his room, he felt the pressure heavier than before. Telling the other skaters that the gold was his, that his marriage hinged on it, and then the way they blew him off; it ended up making the pressure the heaviest it had ever been. 

The next morning he felt okay, the added pressure that had settled the night before had lifted to  normal levels, manageable levels. He must have been tired the night before that’s why it hit him so hard, between the travel and practice, yes that’s absolutely what it was. 

He felt good in the warm up, he felt confident when he stepped onto the ice and took his starting pose. It was no different than practice, the pressure was normal and he could deal with it, he had to deal with it. Then as he was about to go into his first combo it pushed him down. The pressure kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing. He fought so hard to keep it together. To row the weight off. But it wouldn’t let up. The gold was gone he could tell, he could feel it, but he couldn’t show it. Not to his fans, not to his family, and definitely not to her. 

So he didn’t. He saved face, at least he tried to, but there was no denying that his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Everyone could tell, yet they cheered for him anyway. They still supported him and that helped. 

When Bella came to him and threw her arms around him the pressure lightened. Even though he had betrayed her confidence, even though she knew he wouldn’t get the gold, she was still there, she hadn’t left. They went to dinner with his parents where they didn’t talk about what happened. They all knew that he would prefer not to, that it would just make it worse if they pushed, so they kept it light. They talked about what his siblings were up to and tourist activities in the area to fill the next couple days. 

Later that night he heard a knock on his suite’s door. He answered it expecting it to be his parents. 

“Bella, I didn’t expect you.” He smiled, although it wasn’t quite right. 

“Hey love, just thought it’d be nice to spend some time together.” 

It wasn’t said with any kind of tension, she looked relaxed and happy. She had taken off her makeup and was wearing a t-shirt and lounge pants; that was always when he thought she looked her best. Even though there was no reason for it  he could feel the pressure increase. 

They settled on the couch of the suite to watch a movie. She curled under his arm. 

“Do you want me to rub your shoulders? You seem tense.” The question came after about twenty minutes. 

“You always know what I need don’t you?” He smiled and looked down at her. It was the most genuine, normal smile that he had given anyone in weeks. 

“Of course I do. Half the time  _ you  _ don’t even know what you need. Someone has to take care of you.” It was said in jest but there was a degree of truth to it. “C’mon, on the floor if you want your shoulders rubbed.”

He slid onto the floor between her legs and removed his t-shirt. As she began rubbing he could feel the tension try to leave his shoulders, but he knew that for that to happen he’d have to release the pressure. The pressure, it increased. What should have been helping was making it worse. She should have been yelling at him for ruining her plans, for disappointing her. With every loving touch the pressure grew. 

Her mistrations stopped and he felt her arms snake around his shoulders, her head at the side of his.

“Jean it’s okay.” Her voice was soft and loving. 

He hadn’t realized until that moment that there were tears running down his face, he’d finally cracked. The pressure was finally too much. He twisted his upper body around and buried his face in her stomach, arms thrown around her waist. 

“I’m sorry,” comes out as a sob. “I’m so sorry Bella. I’ve let you down,” comes out ugly and twisted. His chest is tight, his shoulders are heavy, the pressure is coming from all around him now, it hurts. He repeats it over and over “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

She lets him,because she knows he needs to say it. She holds him while she strokes his hair and shoulders, down his back and back up again. 

“Hey it’s ok, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” she whispers it into his hair and he can’t take it anymore. 

“But I’m not going to get gold. I let you down. W-we’ll have to wait for the wedding,” it comes out weak and pathetic, as if from the lips of a spoiled, whining child. And it hurts so much to admit it, to admit that he’s not good enough.  

“Shhhh, JJ it’s ok, you didn’t disappoint me.” Her voice was so sweet, so gentle, so caring. “If you’re worried about having the medal to get married… don’t.”

He looked up at that. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you winning gold was never a prerequisite for marrying you, I’ll marry you without the gold.”

“But you said-”

“I said that because it’s so important to you, and because I believed you could do it. You may not get the grand slam this year but there’s always next year.” 

In that moment the pressure lifted and he could breathe again. 

“Just promise me one thing…”

It started to settle again. 

“Just promise me that you’ll talk to me next time.” 

He smiled at that, the first real smile he’d had in weeks. 

“Absolutly, how can I deny my queen?” She laughed at that. 

“Will you stay? W-we don’t... I mean I don’t want to… I just don’t want to be alone.” 

“Of course.”

They went to the room and settled in the bed. JJ pulled Bella close to his chest, and they drifted off to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I'm always up for comments, kudos, and constructive criticism. You can find me on tumblr at zb121. 


End file.
